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YOU DON’T HAVE TO DIE TO LIVE

Posted on by dh hall
19
Oct
May 10, 2016 was the scariest day of my life and I haven’t been the same since. My husband and I walked into the hospital knowing we were about to meet a very special boy OR girl. It was so fun waiting 9 months in anticipation of whether we would have a son or daughter.  We found out with our first two and since we already had one of each we figured it would be fun to wait!  We had a plan with the Dr that DH (stands for David Hall not dear husband although he is very dear to me ha ha) would see the baby and announce boy or girl but that never got to happen. I remember getting wheeled into the OR for my scheduled c-section (my 3rd one so not my first rodeo) and telling the OR nurse that I know people usually get nervous for surgery but I was at such peace and felt so calm. As I laid there getting prepped, the nurses were commenting on my “Crossfit” pregnant belly, it was by no means little but it was “fit” if that is possible and I had a sense of pride that I stayed active and took care of myself during my pregnancy.  I didn’t work out one day in my first two pregnancies but did CrossFit 3x a week my entire pregnancy this go round so it was definitely a different experience.
 
DH was waiting for the ok to come into the OR for what I would call a routine procedure. We were minutes from meeting our baby, until something unexpected happened, DH was never able to enter the OR.  Sirens started going off, codes were being called over the loud speaker and people were running into and out of the room.  A nurse came and escorted him back to the pre-op area, and he had no idea what was happening. After anesthesia, my body started uncontrollably and aggressively convulsing and I struggled to get my nurses attention to ask what was happening.  I didn’t know it at the time but I was having a full on seizure. Through the seizures I was fully aware of what was happening, panic filled the room and the anesthetist was screaming to get the baby out of me, it was loud, it was panicked and it was not exactly professional, but that’s another story ha. All of a sudden, my routine delivery became an emergency. I wasn’t sure exactly what was happening and I wasn’t exactly being told. My life was flashing before my eyes. I wondered, will my baby be alive? Will I live? What is happening? How do I not give up fighting against what my body is doing? There was chaos in the room.
 
The next thing I know a tube is shoved down my throat and I didn’t know at this point if I was approaching the end of my life here on Earth. Flashes of DH as a single father of 3 appeared. My eyes became heavy and closed and the chaos disappeared. I awoke a couple hours later hearing voices, I was in a CT scan and could hear the Dr’s and nurses talking about getting a room in ICU. I didn’t know if there was something wrong with me or if my baby was ok, but I knew I was alive. Tears were uncontrollably rolling down the sides of my face and I was overcome with Gratitude.  I just kept saying in my head, “Thank you, God, Thank you, God”. I am alive.  A few minutes later I was told I had a healthy baby boy.  I was able to meet him and see DH.. My sweet, strong husband, this situation was probably harder on him than myself as he had to see it unravel from the outside…
Thankful to be ALIVE, forever changed!

“ I just kept saying in my head, “Thank you, God, Thank you, God”. I am alive.

Being awake and reunited with my family I was overcome with emotion… it is hard to describe that feeling, the one where you thought you lost something you can’t replace but then realize you didn’t.

It changed my life.

I thought I would share some of the ways that this last couple years of life has changed for me in hopes that maybe they could help you in your life:

I SLOWED down. Way down. I used to be busy, I used to be stressed, I used to be overwhelmed, I used to put things that didn’t matter in front of things that DID.

I put my FAMILY FIRST. Period.

I STOPPED getting worked up about things I can’t control.

I don’t give life to things that drain my happiness or cause frustration.

I ask myself in every situation, what am I supposed to be learning from this?

I learned its ok to say NO. For real. Sometimes saying yes to not hurt someones feelings is hurting me and I have to take care of me so I can take care of others.

I started LIVING IN THE MOMENT. Not just kinda sorta being here and kinda sorta being there but being where I am and being ALL IN.

I stopped being so hard on myself and so hard on my kids.

I am starting to truly be myself. Who I really am. Without fear of what other people think about me being me.

We don’t have to have a near death experience to remind us to value our life and those that are on this journey with us but every once in a while its good to have a wake up call.

Very few people know this story, and I am not even sure why I am sharing except that it is time for me to completely let it go. And to let you all know that we all go through things, they do not have to damage or destroy us or weaken us. We truly are never given more than we can handle. Every single thing that happens to you, however you perceive it, good or bad, there is always something to be learned from it. What doesn’t kill you… ha ha yes I said it , makes you stronger. I am grateful. Grateful for life, thankful for this breath I breathe, thankful for family, thankful for friends, thankful for LOVE. Thankful to be ALIVE.

It is a MIRACLE that I am alive, that Dyer is alive, but guess what? It is a miracle that YOU are alive. We are all living miracles here as expressions of God to live and teach and learn and love.

peace and love,

– Alisha Hall

dh hall